Marriage Restoration (Dec 23, 2011)
My husband wants a divorce. I’m committed to my marriage and love my husband, heart and soul. We’ve been together for over 10 yrs and have an 8 yr old daughter. I know he is having an emotional affair (praying that it hasn't gone beyond that point) with a co-worker. He has also surrounded himself with people who enable him to make poor life choices. He has rejected Godly counsel and rejects the Godly men in his life. He’s told me he doesn’t feel connected to me anymore; that there is no fire, however he won’t allow us to really try either which tears at my heart.
For the most part, our beautiful and intelligent little girl is holding up well enough. She is extremely smart and knows what is going on unfortunately. He has said some things to her that has hurt her dearly, and me. I remind her every day he loves her, as I do, and we both would do anything for her and to protect her always. I tell her that she need not worry about our adult issues and I reassure her I am working on them, praying for her daddy and for her to know God’s comfort, word and for guidance in how we choose to live our lives.
We have seen a licensed Christian marriage counselor for 6 visits (he won’t go anymore). At our last session, my husband realized and admitted that he is not the man he was for the previous 30+ years. His personality and moral code has done a 180 degree turn and I don't think he is ready to go back to the way he was but it is my fondest hope that he will see the light God is shining on him, he will turn around and hopefully make his way back to God and his family, and hopefully at least end up somewhere in the middle. I know he has a good heart but his cloudy thoughts, hurt feelings and his unhealthy relationships with certain friends are poisoning his mind, soul and heart.
I pray numerous times a day that God will open his eyes and heart to the possibility of reconciliation and restoration (or I should say re-creation) of our marriage. I pray for the souls of his friend(s) that have gone astray and are helping my husband to make poor and self-centered choices. I pray that those coworkers/friends find their own path to God (hopefully not the same path my family is on) and find their way home. I am speaking with my pastor often and my daughter and I are attending church and bible study regularly.
I do realize our marriage problems aren’t entirely my husband’s fault. I placed my husband up on this tall, white pedestal that no one could remain on for very long. That pedestal should have been reserved for God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, not my husband. Now he has fallen off, is hurt and wants to run away to something that is easier for him (at the moment at least, he doesn’t realize the long-term ramifications of his choices and how they aren’t better for anyone in our family). I had placed too much pressure on him to be perfect or to live up to what I thought he should be and that was wrong of me. He did the same to me as well and I didn’t live up to his standards and hopes either and I fell off my pedestal. We both broke our marriage.
I have come to learn my sin of miss-communication, not being open about my needs, not being open enough for him to feel he could talk with me about his needs. I didn’t respect my husband properly, verbally or through my actions. I nagged and was very negative, enough so that it hurt him which is what sent him to look for someone else who could maybe give him what he wants (although that is not what he is getting now from his friend(s), not really, he hasn’t realized that just yet). Also we never truly sat down and talked with each other about our relationship, how he and I felt and never sought to get help early on in our marriage. I was blind due to my own selfish needs as he was as well. I didn’t know there was a problem till he said it was too late for our marriage. I don’t feel or believe it is too late for us. I pray it isn’t too late!
I feel God has pressed upon me to bring him back to God, only in the right way this time, and in turn my husband will eventually find his way back to me and our daughter. I have been reading the bible, love and respect books, working the Love Dare and I am actively practicing what I have come to learn; to give him the unconditional respect and love he needs from me (even when he doesn’t act appropriately, it is his right not something he has to earn). I have apologized directly to him for all of my misgivings and sins against him. I hope and pray in time while we are taking things slowly (going through our things, fixing up our house to put it up for sale and becoming financially more stable by getting rid of unnecessary debt) that we will reconnect during this time and rebuild our marriage as it should be, under God’s guidance and authority. I’m trusting that God will see I’m trying to be the wife he wants me to be. I am honoring my covenant with God and my husband. I am trying to walk along side Christ and be more Christ like and raise my daughter that way. I pray that God will help open my husband’s eyes and ears, speak to him directly and show him the way back home. Please pray: for our marriage to be restored and recreated in the way God wants for it to be; for my husband to hear and feel God’s love in his thoughts and dreams; to bring peace to his soul and to help heal his heart; and to rebuild a strong Christian-based foundation for our marriage rooted in God, love and respect. Thank you.
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